15 July 2012

Ancient Scripture (well, not so ancient, as it is written by me)

 I wrote this a few years ago, and just found it.  Thought I'd share as it made me grin.  Reading it now, I can see it might come across as slightly sexist.  Please rest assured I was and am not sexist, though I can see why certain parts may seem extreme.  Take it with a pinch of salt and a dash of humour.  :)

And when He had made Man, there was more to be done; He saw it. So He decided to make each Man individual; one million of the same Adam might end up being boring after all. Besides, the women had already started showing individual signs of unique personality. He decided to have a talk with all of the males of mankind.

"My dear Men, I have a Great Task for you. Today, you will each decide your destiny. As you may have noticed, the females of your Kind have started looking, sounding, and thinking differently from eachother. This is called individuality. I am giving you this Gift, now, but you must choose which direction it shall take."

"But how would we do that, Oh Great One?", called one Man at the front.

"My Child, it is very simple, if you follow my instructions. Follow your mind, talent, or whatever part of yourself that you believe in and know is true, and simply let it shape who you are. Whatever you choose to follow will shape your mind and personality too."

Days went by, and, the Men did as they were told.

Human beings tend to believe what is tangible. We know this through history, but most of our history consisted of men, so let's make the assumption that it is mostly the men who have this belief.

The Men looked over at the females of their Kind, and wondered why they had not been given this Task. Perhaps, the Men thought, their Females were lesser than Them. Being Creatures of Reason and Logic, they tried to understand why. After pondering for long, one Man shouted "They do not possess this Wand of Life!"
There was a soft group of murmurs, which then rose to a corus of cheers, as the Men rejoiced at the brilliance of this one Individual. They had the Power to make their Women give birth; what was more amazing than that? Perhaps this was the talent that their Great One had been mentioning. As the hundreds of men started rejocing excitedly, and agreeing that this was their Chosen Way, just two men backed away from the buzzing crowd. As they walked away, the Man who had had the "revelation" called after them.

"Where are you going?! There are preparations to be made; we have all finally found our Path!"

"Not ours," said the shorter one of the two, still walking, albeit a little slower.


A silence came upon the crowd, as if God Himself had put a blanket over the buzz that had occurred only a few moments ago. "What?" whispered an older man, seemingly wiser, "You will not follow this path?"

The short man shook his head furiously, and, as if to emphasise his non-compliance, he stomped his foot down. The taller man next to him looked a little unsure, but slowly started to shake his head too.

"Then what, pray tell, will you follow instead of this Powerful Tool that our Creator Himself has given to us?"

"Our minds."

And with that, the shorter man walked off into the forests. The taller man looked after him, unsurely it seemed, then back at the crowd, and decided the forest seemed a little more welcoming.

The silence lingered a little while longer amongst the Men in the large crowd, as they watched the two men get swallowed up by the calm forest, but soon the celebrations had started again, and the two different ones were forgotten or ridiculed. "Their minds, pah! They choose to follow what they cannot see, while we, the great, choose to follow what is obviously what Our Leader intended for us."

And time went by, and it was only until the late 20th Century that a second name was coined for the two types. By this time, all women were different, yet distinctly similar in ways, that, unfortunately, they do not even realise at times. But with the men, it was still just the two types. They had their individual traits ,yes, but could be easily grouped together, like animals. It was the women, the ones who were thought for so many years to have "lacked', that discovered the first names and titles.

The descendants of the two who had walked away had turned out to be great, courteous, and caring. They understood more than just what was shown to them, and knew that there was more to life than just what we know and see. Humility is a common trait amongst these fellows, and they were named "Great Minds", or more commonly at present, "Amazing Men" or "One-of-a-Kind".

The descendants of the rest of the men, the majority, did not understand that one could be wrong, even if all physical evidence seems to be correct. They saw women as targets for their "Wand of Life", and did not understand respect, unless it was directed at them. These same men are the men who started all wars, killed the innocent, and broke hundreds of hearts. Their personalities and minds were shaped into whatever they followed, as promised, and so they came to be known as "Minds of Genitalia",

now more commonly known as Dick-heads.

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